A really nervous and nerve-breaking day today.
Woke up early and prepared myself to the Orthodontist's dental clinic to put on my braces this morning but I broke down AGAIN before we even start anything -_- Someone please let me know if this is curable. I really hate myself whenever I break down for nothing.
After much hesitation, I decided to go for it since it was the second last step and I really really really don't want to give up. I kept on finding "Jaw Surgery" related posts on the net and keep telling myself go and do it because that's what you want but it's really useless until I look at myself in the mirror and that's when I decided that I should do it.
It's just discomfort to me during the whole process when the Orthodontist was putting the braces for me as I have done this before; but I guess I was also too busy thinking about something else ($$$) to focus solely on this process. Also, all my wisdom tooth were taken out previously so there is no need for this step as well. It varies case by case because from most of the blogs I had read, most people had their braces done like 2 ~ 3 months ago before their surgery.
I hope Dad and 观音娘娘 will bless me tomorrow. I hope this is a right decision. I hope I won't regret this decision. I hope there will be someone who has done this is already staying there for a night so we can make new friends. I also hope that I won't run away from the hospital in the gown, at least.
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Friday, May 18, 2018
Trembling.
Hello people! I was at the hospital from early afternoon to late afternoon for 3 appointments which is inclusive of financial counselling and blood test - Blood test is the one that I dreaded the most out of this visit.
It is the usual procedures today like informing you of the risk of undergoing a surgery, and doing tests for you to deem that you are fit and healthy for the surgery etc. I'm dreading the blood test because.. who will ever look forward to it? Please tell me why did I decided to go for this surgery again.
The nurses were very kind and patient with me during the whole blood test procedure and I really hate myself for crying when the needle has yet to touch me or it was barely scraping the most outer layer of my skin yet. They consoled me and keep encouraging me.. It took some time but the whole ordeal is over in like a few minutes and my face in a total mess from the tears. I was even given a cup of Milo from the nurse, and I felt like I am a kid at that moment and I began to doubt if I can even go through the surgery.. I kept thinking will I run away after I change into the hospital gown or .. hide somewhere? I really don't know and my guess is that I will start crying again.
I really don't know what to feel and there is so many things going in my mind and I really wanted to chicken out from this whole thing. It felt there wasn't a need to go for this surgery until I look at myself in the mirror again.. Sigh, why me, why? For someone who have low tolerance of pain, this is purely torture and don't let me get started on the whole recovery process.. I can't even eat solid food when I am someone who love eating. Another sigh from me once again.
I couldn't stop crying earlier while doing some personal stuff and I really hate myself and I kept doubting myself over and over again... Less than a week and it will be the surgery..... There are still so many things that have not been settled yet unfortunately.. So I really don't know what will happen next..
Good luck to myself and I will update again on next Tuesday.
It is the usual procedures today like informing you of the risk of undergoing a surgery, and doing tests for you to deem that you are fit and healthy for the surgery etc. I'm dreading the blood test because.. who will ever look forward to it? Please tell me why did I decided to go for this surgery again.
The nurses were very kind and patient with me during the whole blood test procedure and I really hate myself for crying when the needle has yet to touch me or it was barely scraping the most outer layer of my skin yet. They consoled me and keep encouraging me.. It took some time but the whole ordeal is over in like a few minutes and my face in a total mess from the tears. I was even given a cup of Milo from the nurse, and I felt like I am a kid at that moment and I began to doubt if I can even go through the surgery.. I kept thinking will I run away after I change into the hospital gown or .. hide somewhere? I really don't know and my guess is that I will start crying again.
I really don't know what to feel and there is so many things going in my mind and I really wanted to chicken out from this whole thing. It felt there wasn't a need to go for this surgery until I look at myself in the mirror again.. Sigh, why me, why? For someone who have low tolerance of pain, this is purely torture and don't let me get started on the whole recovery process.. I can't even eat solid food when I am someone who love eating. Another sigh from me once again.
I couldn't stop crying earlier while doing some personal stuff and I really hate myself and I kept doubting myself over and over again... Less than a week and it will be the surgery..... There are still so many things that have not been settled yet unfortunately.. So I really don't know what will happen next..
Good luck to myself and I will update again on next Tuesday.
Friday, April 20, 2018
A verbal hello from the hospital.
My phone rang when I was busy working in the office and I shouted "Hello" to the phone and was shocked to know that it was a call from the hospital because I was expecting them to call me in the morning but it was evening time when they called me.
I was really busy with work and was feeling very tired after being busy the whole day so my brain really can't take in whatever the caller was trying to tell me. The caller told me so many things but I can only remember clearly about the blood test I am required to take. I also vaguely remember about having to go for financial counselling first before I can proceed with the blood test.
The trip to the hospital before my surgery is important as they need to check and confirm that my body is fit and healthy as a large amount of blood will be lost and gone forever in my body for the surgery. Why does it feel so scary.
Anyway, an appointment was made for me on the 18th May for my trip to the hospital and I guess I will only start to panic after my exams on mid May.
Got to focus on my exams for now and I guess I will only be left with a few days to panic before my surgery. Sort of a good thing for me, I guess?
I was really busy with work and was feeling very tired after being busy the whole day so my brain really can't take in whatever the caller was trying to tell me. The caller told me so many things but I can only remember clearly about the blood test I am required to take. I also vaguely remember about having to go for financial counselling first before I can proceed with the blood test.
The trip to the hospital before my surgery is important as they need to check and confirm that my body is fit and healthy as a large amount of blood will be lost and gone forever in my body for the surgery. Why does it feel so scary.
Anyway, an appointment was made for me on the 18th May for my trip to the hospital and I guess I will only start to panic after my exams on mid May.
Got to focus on my exams for now and I guess I will only be left with a few days to panic before my surgery. Sort of a good thing for me, I guess?
Wednesday, April 18, 2018
Hey girl, get ready.
The appointment with Surgeon was short, sweet and scary today. The Surgeon told me that my surgery is scheduled on 23rd May and I will have to go for consent taking, blood test and dental surgery a month later before the surgery and someone from the hospital will contact and arrange with me personally.
On a side note, I was also kind of glad to know that mine is not a complex case and simulation is not required. Shocked to know that it was so expensive for one picture and the Surgeon told me that I have no need for it. Phew.
Not sure if I should be happy about this but the Surgeon also told me that this will be my last visit to his office. When I looked back, it has been quite a emotional journey for me during the past 3 months and I can't believe I will be going for the surgery in about a month's time. One more visit to the hospital and another visit to the Orthodontist's office and I will have to get ready for the surgery.
It is happening so fast that it feels like I am a third party watching this happening to someone else when it is actually happening to me. Weird.
Next update will be after I receive the call from the hospital.
Adios ☺
Monday, April 2, 2018
Weird thing on my face.
Took a half day off work on my first Monday in a brand new month of April for the face-bow appointment with my Surgeon. I didn't really know what to expect and I refrained myself from Googling what is face-bow all about as I am afraid that it will be scary and the results will only make me even nervous. Also, I already have so much negative thoughts going in my head and I don't see the need to increase the amount of negative thoughts I already had, obviously.
Went for the appointment with a heavy heart but everything is good and it's pretty much painless except when the face-bow equipment is on my face. It was so uncomfortable as two rods were stuck into my ears and I couldn't hear what the people around me are talking about and everything I heard was murmurs to me to the extent that the Surgeon has to be in front of me to let me know that the face-bow can be taken off my face already. You guys can go Google what that is because all I know is that measurements of my face are taken throughout this whole process.
The Surgeon's assistant then proceeded to take photos of my face in different angles before we conclude today's appointment. I wonder if I can request for those pictures though I don't really want to see them at all.
The next appointment will be at the Surgeon's in two weeks' time and it's when we meet to finalize everything and to settle the date for my operation. I am crossing my fingers I will be able to get the date I want my surgery to be on as you will need to "queue" for the date and it seems like it's hard to get slots during the school holidays period... Why ah?
Honestly, I have wanted to get my surgery done in a private hospital but I don't have the extra money for that extra comfort.. Reality hurts aye.
Let's see what the Surgeon will have to tell me in two weeks' time.
Went for the appointment with a heavy heart but everything is good and it's pretty much painless except when the face-bow equipment is on my face. It was so uncomfortable as two rods were stuck into my ears and I couldn't hear what the people around me are talking about and everything I heard was murmurs to me to the extent that the Surgeon has to be in front of me to let me know that the face-bow can be taken off my face already. You guys can go Google what that is because all I know is that measurements of my face are taken throughout this whole process.
The Surgeon's assistant then proceeded to take photos of my face in different angles before we conclude today's appointment. I wonder if I can request for those pictures though I don't really want to see them at all.
The next appointment will be at the Surgeon's in two weeks' time and it's when we meet to finalize everything and to settle the date for my operation. I am crossing my fingers I will be able to get the date I want my surgery to be on as you will need to "queue" for the date and it seems like it's hard to get slots during the school holidays period... Why ah?
Honestly, I have wanted to get my surgery done in a private hospital but I don't have the extra money for that extra comfort.. Reality hurts aye.
Let's see what the Surgeon will have to tell me in two weeks' time.
Saturday, March 24, 2018
Mixed thoughts.
It's gonna be a wordy post ahead so brace yourself for it!
Met up with the Orthodontist earlier this morning and was given further details about what is going to happen next since I have already decided to proceed with the surgery.. and also what do I have to prepare myself for as well.
Basically, the Orthodontist showed me a timeline on how whole thing will be executed and telling me what to expect and most importantly, I will have to listen to her and do whatever she says to achieve the best results.
While we are discussing, I have also managed to told her that how my Mum and I were afraid to go ahead with this surgery (oh, and my Mum kept dissuading me to cancel this whole surgery thought and I understand, from a parent's POV that no parent would want to see their kids to go through any danger especially since there are defnitely risks involved in a surgery, regardless it is a big or small surgery but I kept telling her that life is really kinda meaningless for me if I have to live another 20, 30 or even 40 years like this but let's save this story for another day, if there comes a day that I want to share on this platform). Telling the Orthodontist didn't help much in making all the nervousness goes away but my heart did felt light though.
Anyway, emotions aside, my Orthodontist told me that I have two options I can decide from - I could either opt to put on the braces first then go for the surgery later but, the surgery will only happens in 9 months' time as we need to wait for the braces to set in first and all (Really can't remember what did she said since I wasn't really that keen in this option) and second, I can opt to put on the braces 48 hours before the surgery so that the braces will not have enough time to set in. Quite confusing, aye?
Obviously I chose to go for the 2nd option since there will be a semester break in 2 months' time and I could really make use of the semester break to rest well at home with zero stress coming from the school. There is also another reason why I opted for this option is because the micro-implants will be done during the surgery as the 1st option requires you to be present for the micro-implants on a separate day after the braces is done. There are both advantages and disadvantages for both options so my advice is that you choose the option that suits you best in accordance to your schedule etc. I thought that there will be no-one going for the 1st option since it's kind of a draggy process but the Orthodontist told me that another patient of hers actually opted for the 1st option as the patient is currently studying overseas at the moment. So, it really depends on the individual.
Nevertheless, I was still feeling jittery and contemplated whether to tell both my Surgeon and Orthodontist to postpone the surgery because everything sounds so terrifying and even if you give me a million years to prepare myself, I will never ever be 100% ready. But then, I was suddenly introduced to another patient of the Orthodontist after I am done with my appointment who had went through the surgery.
I was introduced to S and I suddenly felt so glad that I can talk to someone about my fears and all for this whole thing. S is really nice and patience throughout our whole conversation and she even showed me pictures and told me what to expect and not to overthink. I was really glad that I have met S as I am more certain about my decision after my conversation with her. We even exchanged contact number and it's always assuring to know that someone is there to guide you or even give you advice or even just be there for you. Despite the conversation with S, one still can't help but get nervous about a surgery.
Left the clinic with mixed thoughts but mostly are happy ones except that I am still accepting the fact that I will have to pay a sum of money upfront for my next visit at the Orthodontist. Also, it seems like I have decided on the date of my surgery without giving much thoughts to it out of nowhere since I was in a blur after digesting so much information.
Met up with the Orthodontist earlier this morning and was given further details about what is going to happen next since I have already decided to proceed with the surgery.. and also what do I have to prepare myself for as well.
Basically, the Orthodontist showed me a timeline on how whole thing will be executed and telling me what to expect and most importantly, I will have to listen to her and do whatever she says to achieve the best results.
While we are discussing, I have also managed to told her that how my Mum and I were afraid to go ahead with this surgery (oh, and my Mum kept dissuading me to cancel this whole surgery thought and I understand, from a parent's POV that no parent would want to see their kids to go through any danger especially since there are defnitely risks involved in a surgery, regardless it is a big or small surgery but I kept telling her that life is really kinda meaningless for me if I have to live another 20, 30 or even 40 years like this but let's save this story for another day, if there comes a day that I want to share on this platform). Telling the Orthodontist didn't help much in making all the nervousness goes away but my heart did felt light though.
Anyway, emotions aside, my Orthodontist told me that I have two options I can decide from - I could either opt to put on the braces first then go for the surgery later but, the surgery will only happens in 9 months' time as we need to wait for the braces to set in first and all (Really can't remember what did she said since I wasn't really that keen in this option) and second, I can opt to put on the braces 48 hours before the surgery so that the braces will not have enough time to set in. Quite confusing, aye?
Obviously I chose to go for the 2nd option since there will be a semester break in 2 months' time and I could really make use of the semester break to rest well at home with zero stress coming from the school. There is also another reason why I opted for this option is because the micro-implants will be done during the surgery as the 1st option requires you to be present for the micro-implants on a separate day after the braces is done. There are both advantages and disadvantages for both options so my advice is that you choose the option that suits you best in accordance to your schedule etc. I thought that there will be no-one going for the 1st option since it's kind of a draggy process but the Orthodontist told me that another patient of hers actually opted for the 1st option as the patient is currently studying overseas at the moment. So, it really depends on the individual.
Nevertheless, I was still feeling jittery and contemplated whether to tell both my Surgeon and Orthodontist to postpone the surgery because everything sounds so terrifying and even if you give me a million years to prepare myself, I will never ever be 100% ready. But then, I was suddenly introduced to another patient of the Orthodontist after I am done with my appointment who had went through the surgery.
I was introduced to S and I suddenly felt so glad that I can talk to someone about my fears and all for this whole thing. S is really nice and patience throughout our whole conversation and she even showed me pictures and told me what to expect and not to overthink. I was really glad that I have met S as I am more certain about my decision after my conversation with her. We even exchanged contact number and it's always assuring to know that someone is there to guide you or even give you advice or even just be there for you. Despite the conversation with S, one still can't help but get nervous about a surgery.
Left the clinic with mixed thoughts but mostly are happy ones except that I am still accepting the fact that I will have to pay a sum of money upfront for my next visit at the Orthodontist. Also, it seems like I have decided on the date of my surgery without giving much thoughts to it out of nowhere since I was in a blur after digesting so much information.
Monday, March 19, 2018
Still alive.
Hola to you humans reading this post!
Haven't been updating for quite a while as I was busy with both work and school for the past month so I hadn't really have enough time to ponder about the jaw surgery issue but I do still think about it whenever I look at myself on the mirror.
I am close to finishing all my assignments for this semester and it's time to get down to business! Let's go back to the topic, to what you are here for :)
Got my quotation from the Surgeon as requested by my Insurance Agent because I have to get the financial stuff settled first else I won't be able to recuperate in peace after the surgery even though I am willing to be in debt just to go through this surgery but obviously it's even better if I don't have to think about my money while I am trying to recover.
Can't give any further update since I have to give the nod and arrange the date for the surgery in order for the professionals to proceed with the next step...
To be honest, I keep getting the cold feet and wanting to cancel this whole damn thing the more I read about this surgery because life is so short so why am I putting myself through this ordeal but because life is so short, I don't want to waste more time pondering over this issue again (I have already wasted 4 years thinking about this already) so let's just get over with this as soon as possible and just give me the smile I desire for so long.
Guess the thing I am left to do now is to prepare myself mentally and physically for the surgery.... So scary.
Thanks for reading until here and I really can't wait to give a proper update about this whole damn thing that I have been fussing about..
Adios!
Haven't been updating for quite a while as I was busy with both work and school for the past month so I hadn't really have enough time to ponder about the jaw surgery issue but I do still think about it whenever I look at myself on the mirror.
I am close to finishing all my assignments for this semester and it's time to get down to business! Let's go back to the topic, to what you are here for :)
Got my quotation from the Surgeon as requested by my Insurance Agent because I have to get the financial stuff settled first else I won't be able to recuperate in peace after the surgery even though I am willing to be in debt just to go through this surgery but obviously it's even better if I don't have to think about my money while I am trying to recover.
Can't give any further update since I have to give the nod and arrange the date for the surgery in order for the professionals to proceed with the next step...
To be honest, I keep getting the cold feet and wanting to cancel this whole damn thing the more I read about this surgery because life is so short so why am I putting myself through this ordeal but because life is so short, I don't want to waste more time pondering over this issue again (I have already wasted 4 years thinking about this already) so let's just get over with this as soon as possible and just give me the smile I desire for so long.
Guess the thing I am left to do now is to prepare myself mentally and physically for the surgery.... So scary.
Thanks for reading until here and I really can't wait to give a proper update about this whole damn thing that I have been fussing about..
Adios!
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Good news!
Finally! I have received an e-mail from the Orthodontist on Monday, 22 Jan 2018 (that's fast because I was informed that she will only be able to get back to me by earliest Wednesday!) about the discussion with my Surgeon.
Though the e-mail was sent on Monday but I only saw it this morning since I was quite busy with school and work for the past few days. The email started with a Good News! from the Orthodontist and it seems like there is a way to shorten my treatment which is definitely good news to me! :)
There is a file attached to the email which I have read but I don'quite understand how is the whole plan going to be executed so I can only find out on my next appointment with the Surgeon next week for more information. Can't wait for the next weekend to come already but first, let me enjoy this weekend while I do my assignments!
Adios!
Though the e-mail was sent on Monday but I only saw it this morning since I was quite busy with school and work for the past few days. The email started with a Good News! from the Orthodontist and it seems like there is a way to shorten my treatment which is definitely good news to me! :)
There is a file attached to the email which I have read but I don'quite understand how is the whole plan going to be executed so I can only find out on my next appointment with the Surgeon next week for more information. Can't wait for the next weekend to come already but first, let me enjoy this weekend while I do my assignments!
Adios!
Saturday, January 20, 2018
A step closer.
Today, I am taking a step closer to change my smile (for life).
The Orthodontist had my x-rays taken from last week and since we had discussed about my issue before, I was only required to take a 3-Dimensional of my jaw and pictures of my teeth/jaw in various angles as well as how I smile + my side view etc. I had to retake the x-rays though, since the ones taken from last week was not clear enough for the Orthodontist.
The Orthodontist told me that she will have to discuss with my Surgeon and will only be able to let me know how do we proceed after their discussion but she told me that she would try to shorten my treatment process which I am really not hopeful since I had braces previously but we shall see again.
Can't really anticipate anything yet but maybe I will take this time to make myself 90 - 95% ready for this whole thing. The Orthodontist asked me if I am ready for this surgery and I told her that it's really impossible for me to be 100% ready for this thing since I kind of know what to expect but not really know what's going to happen to me. I don't think one will ever be 100% ready for anything and it's more of how much do you want to achieve something or if you are willing to step out of your comfort zone.
It will be another round of waiting again, but it's something I am willing to wait patiently for it :)
Saturday, January 13, 2018
The start of OMFS aka Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery.
It may be another Saturday to another person but today is the first step I am taking to change my life.
After much contemplation and research about jaw surgery, I have decided that I want to go ahead with the surgery after my 1st visit to the Surgeon (The one who will be operating) and Orthodontist (The one who will be helping me after the surgery is done) roughly about 4 years ago. I have actually wanted to give up on this idea because I can't bear to think about the pain that I have to go through and the amount of money it's going to cost me for this surgery.
I will describe my the 4 years I have lived in one sentence - "I am alive, but I am not living." Everyday I would go to work from home and back to home from work and I hardly go out on the weekends because mainly I don't like taking pictures (well, we all usually take a picture for keepsake after a meetup with our friends especially now that we all can't meet everyday since we are all working). There is an irony in my previous sentence because I do like taking pictures but I just don't like the way how I look in the pictures. Slowly, I lose my confidence day by day and I realize that I hardly look into people's eyes when they are trying to communicate with me and my head is always hanging down.
I have thought hard about it and decide that this surgery shall be my first step to my way of being confident. Obviously, people will think that I am just another vain person on Earth but if confidence is about coming from within yourself, all I will have to say is that the main source of my confidence is cut off.
There are also a few other reasons why I decided to go for this surgery as well:
1) I want to be able to speak, talk and sing properly.
2) I want to be able to put on bright, red lipstick.
3) I want to be able to smile and look nice in front of the camera and on the pictures.
4) I want to be able to use my front teeth to bite on an apple like that.
There are still many more reasons why I want to go ahead with this surgery but let's just stay with these 4 reasons first.
If you are/were not in the same situation as mine, then you will probably never understand why the list look like something I already have done before but I am just not doing it quite right.
Anyway, back to the topic. Since it was my second visit to the Surgeon's office, I really don't have much to ask but mainly about the surgery itself as well the financial matters (Obviously, duh). Also, x-rays were also taken and an appointment has been booked for next week with the Orthodontist to discuss things further.
The Surgeon told me that the process for my case will ideally be like this: Micro-implants | Braces | Surgery | Braces, and the whole thing will take about a year to complete if everything goes well as planned. Unfortunately, I will have to take a longer route because I already had braces before and this has sorta affected the surgery process since my teeth are already straight.
Shall wait for next week's visit to the Orthodontist before I can start to anticipate and share anything else.
Adios!
After much contemplation and research about jaw surgery, I have decided that I want to go ahead with the surgery after my 1st visit to the Surgeon (The one who will be operating) and Orthodontist (The one who will be helping me after the surgery is done) roughly about 4 years ago. I have actually wanted to give up on this idea because I can't bear to think about the pain that I have to go through and the amount of money it's going to cost me for this surgery.
I will describe my the 4 years I have lived in one sentence - "I am alive, but I am not living." Everyday I would go to work from home and back to home from work and I hardly go out on the weekends because mainly I don't like taking pictures (well, we all usually take a picture for keepsake after a meetup with our friends especially now that we all can't meet everyday since we are all working). There is an irony in my previous sentence because I do like taking pictures but I just don't like the way how I look in the pictures. Slowly, I lose my confidence day by day and I realize that I hardly look into people's eyes when they are trying to communicate with me and my head is always hanging down.
I have thought hard about it and decide that this surgery shall be my first step to my way of being confident. Obviously, people will think that I am just another vain person on Earth but if confidence is about coming from within yourself, all I will have to say is that the main source of my confidence is cut off.
There are also a few other reasons why I decided to go for this surgery as well:
1) I want to be able to speak, talk and sing properly.
2) I want to be able to put on bright, red lipstick.
3) I want to be able to smile and look nice in front of the camera and on the pictures.
4) I want to be able to use my front teeth to bite on an apple like that.
There are still many more reasons why I want to go ahead with this surgery but let's just stay with these 4 reasons first.
If you are/were not in the same situation as mine, then you will probably never understand why the list look like something I already have done before but I am just not doing it quite right.
Anyway, back to the topic. Since it was my second visit to the Surgeon's office, I really don't have much to ask but mainly about the surgery itself as well the financial matters (Obviously, duh). Also, x-rays were also taken and an appointment has been booked for next week with the Orthodontist to discuss things further.
The Surgeon told me that the process for my case will ideally be like this: Micro-implants | Braces | Surgery | Braces, and the whole thing will take about a year to complete if everything goes well as planned. Unfortunately, I will have to take a longer route because I already had braces before and this has sorta affected the surgery process since my teeth are already straight.
Shall wait for next week's visit to the Orthodontist before I can start to anticipate and share anything else.
Adios!
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