Just one more day..

A really nervous and nerve-breaking day today.

Woke up early and prepared myself to the Orthodontist's dental clinic to put on my braces this morning but I broke down AGAIN before we even start anything -_- Someone please let me know if this is curable. I really hate myself whenever I break down for nothing.

After much hesitation, I decided to go for it since it was the second last step and I really really really don't want to give up. I kept on finding "Jaw Surgery"  related posts on the net and keep telling myself go and do it because that's what you want but it's really useless until I look at myself in the mirror and that's when I decided that I should do it.

It's just discomfort to me during the whole process when the Orthodontist was putting the braces for me as I have done this before; but I guess I was also too busy thinking about something else ($$$) to focus solely on this process. Also, all my wisdom tooth were taken out previously so there is no need for this step as well. It varies case by case because from most of the blogs I had read, most people had their braces done like 2 ~ 3 months ago before their surgery.

I hope Dad and 观音娘娘 will bless me tomorrow. I hope this is a right decision. I hope I won't regret this decision. I hope there will be someone who has done this is already staying there for a night so we can make new friends. I also hope that I won't run away from the hospital in the gown, at least.

Trembling.

Hello people! I was at the hospital from early afternoon to late afternoon for 3 appointments which is inclusive of financial counselling and blood test - Blood test is the one that I dreaded the most out of this visit.

It is the usual procedures today like informing you of the risk of undergoing a surgery, and doing tests for you to deem that you are fit and healthy for the surgery etc. I'm dreading the blood test because.. who will ever look forward to it? Please tell me why did I decided to go for this surgery again.

The nurses were very kind and patient with me during the whole blood test procedure and I really hate myself for crying when the needle has yet to touch me or it was barely scraping the most outer layer of my skin yet. They consoled me and keep encouraging me.. It took some time but the whole ordeal is over in like a few minutes and my face in a total mess from the tears. I was even given a cup of Milo from the nurse, and I felt like I am a kid at that moment and I began to doubt if I can even go through the surgery.. I kept thinking will I run away after I change into the hospital gown or .. hide somewhere? I really don't know and my guess is that I will start crying again.

I really don't know what to feel and there is so many things going in my mind and I really wanted to chicken out from this whole thing. It felt there wasn't a need to go for this surgery until I look at myself in the mirror again.. Sigh, why me, why? For someone who have low tolerance of pain, this is purely torture and don't let me get started on the whole recovery process.. I can't even eat solid food when I am someone who love eating. Another sigh from me once again.

I couldn't stop crying earlier while doing some personal stuff and I really hate myself and I kept doubting myself over and over again... Less than a week and it will be the surgery..... There are still so many things that have not been settled yet unfortunately.. So I really don't know what will happen next..

Good luck to myself and I will update again on next Tuesday.

A verbal hello from the hospital.

My phone rang when I was busy working in the office and I shouted "Hello" to the phone and was shocked to know that it was a call from the hospital because I was expecting them to call me in the morning but it was evening time when they called me.

I was really busy with work and was feeling very tired after being busy the whole day so my brain really can't take in whatever the caller was trying to tell me. The caller told me so many things but I can only remember clearly about the blood test I am required to take. I also vaguely remember about having to go for financial counselling first before I can proceed with the blood test.

The trip to the hospital before my surgery is important as they need to check and confirm that my body is fit and healthy as a large amount of blood will be lost and gone forever in my body for the surgery. Why does it feel so scary.

Anyway, an appointment was made for me on the 18th May for my trip to the hospital and I guess I will only start to panic after my exams on mid May.

Got to focus on my exams for now and I guess I will only be left with a few days to panic before my surgery. Sort of a good thing for me, I guess?

Hey girl, get ready.

The appointment with Surgeon was short, sweet and scary today. The Surgeon told me that my surgery is scheduled on 23rd May and I will have to go for consent taking, blood test and dental surgery a month later before the surgery and someone from the hospital will contact and arrange with me personally. 

On a side note, I was also kind of glad to know that mine is not a complex case and simulation is not required. Shocked to know that it was so expensive for one picture and the Surgeon told me that I have no need for it. Phew. 

Not sure if I should be happy about this but the Surgeon also told me that this will be my last visit to his office. When I looked back, it has been quite a emotional journey for me during the past 3 months and I can't believe I will be going for the surgery in about a month's time. One more visit to the hospital and another visit to the Orthodontist's office and I will have to get ready for the surgery. 

It is happening so fast that it feels like I am a third party watching this happening to someone else when it is actually happening to me. Weird. 

Next update will be after I receive the call from the hospital.

Adios ☺

Weird thing on my face.

Took a half day off work on my first Monday in a brand new month of April for the face-bow appointment with my Surgeon. I didn't really know what to expect and I refrained myself from Googling what is face-bow all about as I am afraid that it will be scary and the results will only make me even nervous. Also, I already have so much negative thoughts going in my head and I don't see the need to increase the amount of negative thoughts I already had, obviously.

Went for the appointment with a heavy heart but everything is good and it's pretty much painless except when the face-bow equipment is on my face. It was so uncomfortable as two rods were stuck into my ears and I couldn't hear what the people around me are talking about and everything I heard was murmurs to me to the extent that the Surgeon has to be in front of me to let me know that the face-bow can be taken off my face already. You guys can go Google what that is because all I know is that measurements of my face are taken throughout this whole process.

The Surgeon's assistant then proceeded to take photos of my face in different angles before we conclude today's appointment. I wonder if I can request for those pictures though I don't really want to see them at all.

The next appointment will be at the Surgeon's in two weeks' time and it's when we meet to finalize everything and to settle the date for my operation. I am crossing my fingers I will be able to get the date I want my surgery to be on as you will need to "queue" for the date and it seems like it's hard to get slots during the school holidays period... Why ah?

Honestly, I have wanted to get my surgery done in a private hospital but I don't have the extra money for that extra comfort.. Reality hurts aye.

Let's see what the Surgeon will have to tell me in two weeks' time.